When Time Stopped

Yes, it happened and it can happen. I’ll tell you how…

So today I decided to step outside the four walls that are so familiar and comfortable; I’m referring to my room of course.

The moment I stepped outside, without any purpose, clearing my mind of  all the responsibilities that were waiting to be fulfilled, just completely focusing on the present, making myself aware of my surroundings, something really hit me hard which has never happened before.

As I looked around, I seemed to absorb all that my eyes could see, I watched people and their urgency to get to the other side of the three lane road, waiting, watching, hurrying and finally slowing down upon reaching the other side. I found myself cheering them on for no apparent reason, just seeing them succeed at such an insignificant task as crossing the road gave me satisfaction.

I looked at the city that I live in and it’s busy streets and found a beauty that I have never appreciated before. I found beauty in the trees, the grass, the little lilac lights that paved the way to the exhibition centre, the deep abyss of the sea at night and the ship lights shining upon its reflecting surface, the majestic glistening skyscrapers relfecting the moonlight.

At that very moment, just as realisation dawned on me, just as time seemed to slow down I finally completely understood what it meant to be in the present. I understood that there is nothing more magical than the moment that you are in. This very moment is the most important thing and the greatest weapon that we wield, this moment I was immersed in my surroundings, fully aware of everything and in sync with the world around me, I was an important part of it all and that is when time stopped. It came to a halt and I finally after two decades realised why the present is called a “present”.

The Formidable Foe

Writer’s Note:

This is the first time in ages that I’ve steeled myself, or rather, given myself in to my most powerful inclination; writing.

I’m probably going to put a lot of myself here, but I believe at some point it’s important to let it out, even if it’s 21 years in the making.

All right here goes…

As a child I had this little foe, he was quite tiny but very formidable, this was the kind of foe that wouldn’t show it’s true self or wouldn’t get stronger, not without my help of course.

This foe first manifested itself when I wrote my first ever story as a nine year old, and being the suffocatingly private person that I was, there was always a nagging worry that someone might read it, I’m not sure why I didn’t want it to be read, but I just didn’t.

This foe, the overwhelming emotion we call Fear decided it wanted to keep me company, it decided to grow as I did, I made sure it didn’t go away and even made arrangements in different forms to keep it with me, not knowing how debilitating it would prove to be.

As I grew so did my fears, they multiplied and only grew bigger as I fed them all  of myself. I would be afraid of everything, the past, the present, the future, even with a faith seemingly as strong as mine, I had doubts, so many nagging doubts, worries, always holding myself back, always afraid of the future of my fate, my family, everything I loved, this overwhelmed me untill finally after twenty one years, things started to change.

I have only just realised, living in fear of whatever is not living at all, if things are meant to happen, they will, there’s no changing it, neither is there any use worrying about it, neither is there any use pretending to be prepared for it by not letting yourself be completely happy and at peace in the present.

Things never happen as we expect them to, but what is in our control is how we live in the present, how we make use of the things we have been given, of the time we have at hand, the decisions we make.

There are no right or wrong decisions, there are only decisions that have worked in your favour and the ones that haven’t, but there’s always something to learn from mistakes, from the past, there’s always room to improve, and it matters not if we are perfect, it only matters if we’re trying every moment to be better than we have been the moment before.

This foe, one of the worst emotions to be felt, needs to be killed, it needs to die  before it grows and consumes us, and the only one powerful enough to do so is the creator of that fear, that is us, we need to overcome it, face it and grow in health and emotion.

Dream as if you’ll live forever, Live as if you’ll die today

Ramblings of a College Introvert

We’re responsive creatures, always yearning for some kind of carnal or spiritual fulfillment. So many of our conversations are dedicated to that one question: What makes us feel alive? For me it’s neither people nor adventures. It’s the shapes and colors that make up a city I love.

When I took a semester off in Cali, all I could think about was how much I missed NYC and how exciting it would be to blog about college life there. But four months after I returned to NYU I’ve only written four posts on my adventures here in the Big Apple. Ostensibly it’s because I just haven’t had the time. In reality it’s because I’ve kind of lost confidence in my writing. I don’t think I’ll ever be as good a writer as I would like to be, and I certainly don’t think I’m good enough to capture the sense of wonder I feel every time…

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Why I’m Not “Good People”

Jenny's Library

I’m not a nice person.

I’m not a good person.

I’m not a kind person.

This isn’t to say that I don’t ever try to be any of these three things.  I do, especially the last two.

It’s more to say that, for me, surviving in this cissexist, racist, ableist, heteronormative, classist, often fucked up world of ours has involved rejecting the idea that “good” and “bad” are static states of being.  I will never be a “good person” because, to me, “good” is not something that you achieve.  It’s an ongoing process that never ends.

It is, in fact, almost impossible not to be doing bad things as well as good when you are human and therefore flawed.  Especially when you are part of a messed up system, as we all are.

This, to me, is why it’s important to call out bad behavior, or hurtful language, or even…

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Of Inexplicable Things

Before I write away, I request you to go easy on me as this is my first ever post and might look kind of awkward. Thanks.

So I was just wondering if I’m the only one that gets the most brilliant ideas at such an unearthly hour as 3 in the morning? I mean, here I am writing away with little thought but only a few hours ago I had as much creativity flowing out of me as a troll would.

Now I’m warning you this is only going to get stranger…

Well then, I’ll speak of my own experiences, and mind you, they’re real honestly speaking. Having clarified that, I’ll get to the point…

So I have often found the answers I’m looking for during my waking hours in my dreams instead and mind you, they’re quite accurate!

It so happens that as a 12 year old I used to imagine things that I wanted to be turned into reality in my future teen years and TADA! years later the same exact scenario would come to life! strange as it may sound it doesn’t seem so anymore, I guess its partly because of how naturally these events unfolded and the realisation didn’t hit me until all of this came to pass.

Looking back I realise how everything falls into place, everything good and bad, to bring me to this very point I am at. Had they been otherwise, I wouldn’t have been this person that I am today.

Ah well I’m drifting away…So coming back, I can only say one thing…there are many things to ponder over and we waste time pondering over the ones most trivial to us, but while we may have answers to some, to the others we do not and that’s okay because we are but humans and there’s a Power far greater than anything we can imagine and it is He who possesses all Wisdom and lays out our paths that we unknowingly tread, for whatever happens to us is what was meant for us and whatever doesn’t is what was never meant for us. So why trouble over what has passed and why not look towards what is still to be.

Well…ponder over it fellas xD

Good day to you all ^_^

This blog is about…well…its about too many ideas that seem hard to condense into mere words :)